What's your metaphor?

Last night (technically early this morning, since I was growing roots in the Walmart checkout line when the calendar ticked over from Saturday to Sunday) I said to Tyler:

"Lately I feel like a gerbil stuck in those exercise wheels. I'm running so fast every day but I'm not making any progress. Do you feel like that?"

His response: "Actually I feel like that scene from Star Wars when they're in the trash compactor."

Now I feel irritated that I can't even come up with a life metaphor that isn't trite and cliche.

Beware. I'm scouring my meager repertoire of pop culture, searching for a metaphor that will blow his compacted trash out of the park.

Blue & Gold Banquet

Experts recommend planning something exciting in January or February. Who could be mired in post-Christmas letdown when you can look forward to events like the Cub Scout Blue & Gold Banquet. More specifically you can look forward to spending 3 weeks doing art projects with 8- and 9-year-old boys, decorating the church gym all Saturday, helping your son decorate a cake for the contest, and roasting 10 pounds of potatoes for the evening's medieval-style (eat with your hands) roast chicken feast.

Do the post-holiday blues sound better yet?

Actually, we did have a fantastic trip to Northern California for Marianne's wedding, which was the true solution to the January blahs, but I haven't sifted through those pictures yet.

After explaining to Carden that we would not be using any of the great ideas he saw on old episodes of "Cake Boss," he chose a dragon cake more suited to our abilities. By breaking up the project into two days and three sessions, we survived working with each other. Sadly, I really don't enjoy cooking with my kids. I wish I did, but it's hard to get past the huge messes and Claire screaming to be part of the action.

I wish I'd taken pictures of the gym, since we really outdid ourselves. The scouts all painted about 50 banners and we hung them on fishing line strung across the gym. With tissue-paper torches lining the walls and an enormous castle backdrop made from the boxes that king-size bedroom sets come in, the room was pretty striking. My kids really got into the silverware-free dining experience (sadly they think most of our normal dinners are silverware-optional). Charlotte attacked the chicken carcass and balance-beam jousting activity with equal ferocity. Truly a night celebrating those lofty Scouting values.

How to get what you want

I've discovered how to get what you want. Complain about what you want but don't have in your Christmas newsletter.

Four weeks ago I moaned that Charlotte wasn't potty-trained, and that Claire wasn't walking or talking and she had no teeth.

January arrived, and voila! Public humiliation has once again triumphed.

Charlotte is making definite progress, albeit marked with her own flair. She really likes the whole bathroom ritual--wiping, flushing, washing, drying. But she's added her own special ending. You must spit into the toilet before flushing it. We try not to ask...

Between that and the two pairs of princess undies that somehow got flushed down the toilet, along with a large quantity of non-flushable baby wipes, I'm wondering if I truly want this.

Claire is saying a few words. Nowhere near what she should for her age, but we're dusting off our well-worn speech therapy tricks and putting up with having our eyes gouged out so she can say "eye" over and over.

And she's wobbly, but she's up on two feet! At 15 months, our latest one yet, but she's headed in the right direction. Actually, I am more excited that she's figured out to go down the stairs feet-first. Maybe we can get rid of the gates soon, since no one ever remembers to shut them anyway.

Christmas morning

I tried something new this year and happily it worked! Last year Christmas morning was a blur, and my pictures proved it. Plus the boys got worked into a bit of a gift-opening frenzy, hardly stopping to look at a toy before searching for the next one. With this in mind, and knowing that Santa might bring a few large gifts that wouldn't have fit in the living room, we asked Santa to put his gifts and the stockings in the family room.

On Christmas morning (at 8:00 when the girls woke up, NOT at 5:30 when the boys woke up), we started in the family room with the Santa presents, and spent about an hour

playing, eating candy canes and chocolate, and examining every single item in precious detail. The boys shot their arrows and crossbows, Claire and Charlotte played in the princess tent.

And if you're wondering what the boys did from 5:30 to 8:00, it's right there in the photo. The handheld games from Grandma Vicki they opened the night before kept us all sleeping peacefully until the sun actually rose.

Then we headed to the living room and had a mini-frenzy under the tree. Crazy fun.

After breakfast I took a nap and the kids watched one of their movies. I now understand why my mom always made sure we got a new movie for Christmas. It was her only guarantee of a 90-minute nap after being up most of the night.

Christmas? Oh yeah, we did that

I know you all think I'm horribly behind. Actually this has been a psychological experiment. If I wait long enough, will my memories of Christmas fade to slightly fuzzy but happy mental pictures? Will I have forgotten, or at least toned down, remembrances of the endless shopping (my life's least favorite activity), cooking, wrapping, and crowd-fighting? Like childbirth, will I only remember enough to be ready--even eager--to do it again?

We'll see.

So here's the fun we had.

We decorated gingerbread cookies. Charlotte won the Cookie Monster award this year. Long after everyone else had left the table she remained, squeezing every last drop of frosting onto her masterpiece. She ended up with a cookie buried under a two-inch thick layer of multicolored sugar and frosting.

Saw the lights at Temple Square which most of us thoroughly enjoyed (Charlotte being the obvious exception, here). It surprised me by being one of my highlights. It felt like a bit of a chore, packing everyone up to be outside for an evening, but we were there on a warmish day right when the lights came on and it wasn't crowded. We heard a couple of high school choirs perform (perfect training for the kids to sit through a nice, short performance), and it was so beautiful and peaceful, while the days before and after had definitely not been.

Went to Charlotte's dance performance and the boys' piano recitals. Wised up and took the boys out for their favorite chili-cheese hot dogs AFTER the recital and not before. (Caroline, that "authentic Viking blood" on Carden's shirt at the Halloween recital was actually authentic Viking ketchup.)

The cousin gift exchange. Who knew that $1 could go so far. It'll be sad (or at least expensive) when they outgrow the wonder of the dollar store. It was far more successful than the nativity play, which the older kids were burned out on and left the younger kids squabbling over which role had the best costume accessories.

Took the kids to the children's hospital fundraiser, Festival of Trees, our second year coming. Afterwards we dropped off our Sub-for-Santa contributions and went out to lunch (me and the boys at Little Caesars, Tyler and the girls at the slightly seedy Chinese restaurant next door). Here's Seth at the "dial-an-elf" phone booth. Charlotte was transfixed by all the dance groups performing. The kids love all the fun craft projects and it's touching to see all the beautiful trees created by families as tributes to loved ones gone.

Fall

I think we had fall this year--sandwiched in between a wonderful late summer and the Thanksgiving blizzard. Seth and I went out one afternoon to rake leaves and play with the camera. These shots melt my heart; he loves to be part of the action, especially if he can be your helper. We put the camera on the sports setting and took a series of shots of him throwing armfuls of leaves in the air. Classic fall fun.

By the time Charlotte came out, we'd mown over most of the leaf piles, much to her dismay. Laying on a thin carpet of leaves just doesn't have the same effect.

The sunset was spectacular. Swaths of purple and orange streaked across the western sky and reflected on the eastern mountains. I think I would have missed it had we not been out raking. I can't think of a better reward for our work, if you could call it that.

It's December first, which means it's time for the post on...Halloween, you guessed it!

Trying to embrace the whole costume thing, I drove the kids to every store in town looking for the perfect costume. Carden again tried my sewing patience to put together his Viking fur accessories. By the time Seth made his final decision, every store in town and every website was sold out of the outfit he wanted. He then set his heart on a 2-sizes-too-big, broken-zipper, hurry-up-the-store-is-closing costume from the thrift store. Did I mention I hate sewing?

Shocking, I know. A pink princess.

I dressed up--a first--as did Tyler. That Ghostbusters shirt made him a star with the 12-year-old boys at the church Halloween party.

We had a lot of fun, ate too much candy, and trick-or-treated on October 30 (in Utah, it's understood that when holidays fall on Sunday they will be celebrated on Saturday). All in all, I think we'll even do it again next year.