You wanted a post? Here it is...

Several people have informed me that their status as devoted followers of our little corner of the blogging world gives them the right to hound me for the lack of posts in the past four weeks. To them, I offer the following riveting account of how we are spending our summer vacation.

We get up late.

We clean the playroom/boys' room/family room/hallway.

We eat an Otter Pop to celebrate that one-half/one-fourth/one tiny corner of chosen room is now clean.

We change the sheets on the guest room bed. By a rough estimate, we have had house guests for 30 nights so far in 2009.

I praise the heavens for the invention of air conditioning. This is the first summer of my entire life where I have had it. I run it around the clock. I stand directly over/under the vents. Tyler can sell an internal organ to pay the bill if necessary.

We play outside.

We eat something not really resembling a balanced meal.

We play outside again. At 9:30 the sun sets and we herd kids inside. We do not generally bathe them.

We remind them (weakly) that bedtime was at 9:00 and why are they all still up?

The diva is 2

Heaven help us all.

Charlotte's second birthday arrived in all its frilly pink splendor. She woke up to her big present, a doll house, spread over the kitchen table and a set of princess dolls. She spent most of the morning moving the furniture and occupants around, so engrossed she was quiet all morning.

After pizza for dinner we brought out the rest of her presents and her pink cake and pink ice cream. We were thrilled Marianne and Granny Wilcox could come celebrate with us. I was surprised how Charlotte seemed to know exactly what was going on. She sang loudly with us as we warbled "Happy Birthday to You" and then instantly started blowing at the candles, without any coaching. Thanks to Carden and Seth who actually put them out.

The hits of the night were her dress from Marianne and her gifts from Carden and Seth: purple beads and bracelets, high heels and sunglasses--the basics, as any girl knows.

Seth helped me make the cake, and Carden helped put the sprinkles on the cupcakes. I was happily surprised that it looked pretty cute! Thankfully Charlotte is easily impressed.

Why I am a good mother; Reason #218

We come out of swim lessons to see that the city has set up a "get to know your city departments" fair. After free hot dogs and lemonade, the boys want to ride in the power company's cherry picker.

"Fine," I say. I will stand here in line so you can ride the cherry picker. When we get to the front of the line they want me to go with them.

"Oh no," I say. "That's the last thing I'm going to do."

"Oh but you have to" says the power company guy. He's smirking, so I'm not sure if he's joking or not.

"You're kidding." I tell him. "They can go with you. I give permission."

"But look," he tells me. "They want you to go."

So against my better judgment--against any judgment at all--I climb in, and let me tell you, there is no graceful way to climb into a cherry picker. And up we go. Way up. The next time I see my house from that vantage point I better be floating on a cloud plucking a harp. I decide that this is not the time to discuss the recent rise in electrical rates with the guy operating the controls.

How to get that summer tan

"Why fork over your hard-earned cash for those expensive bottles of tanning cream? Why hassle with reapplying every few days? Do what Miss Charlotte does: use deck stain! It's long-lasting, comes in convenient gallon size, and is so much fun with a paintbrush! Miss Charlotte recommends Formula 1904: Heart Redwood to give her that desirable sun-kissed look."

You turn your back for a second...

Save the cheese!

This week we've been dog-sitting Higgins, a bulldog belonging to Tyler's brother Joel. Despite Higgins and Angus coming from the same breeder, they are completely different physically. Angus looks like a fat slug, and Higgins is a trim machine, although they have the same penchant for snoring in the shade. We've also discovered that both dogs love cheese. And poor Charlotte, at only 33 inches high, is their prime target for hostile takeovers. Charlotte also loves cheese, and spent most of yesterday afternoon running from the dogs, waving her cheddar over her head and screeching "Not yet!" She never latched onto the toddler's favorite word "no," prefering the more polite version "not yet," although the meaning is the same--"no way."

Notes from the field: boys and girls are different

Last week we had an extended family picnic at the botanic gardens. Three families, three assorted fast food offerings (no one felt like cooking), and some picnic tables by a fast-moving creek made for a great evening. We spread out our paper bags while the kids wandered around, until Carden shooed them back to their own table: "Your food is over there. This is our feast." Who knew he'd be so possessive over chicken sandwiches and french fries.

The gardens were lovely, full of spring flowers and blooming trees. It seems to be a popular spot with wedding photographers and we saw many couples doing photo shoots. To appreciate this, you have to understand that Charlotte, not yet 2, is in a full-blown princess phase. Her limited vocabulary has a large chunk devoted to words like "princess," "pretty princess," "dress," "pretty dress," "shoes," "pretty shoes," etc. You get the idea. So we're wandering through the gardens, and around the bend we come across one of the brides. Charlotte stops dead in her tracks, mouth open, staring at this girl in clouds of white tulle. She doesn't move for a full minute, and even once I call her name, she takes a half-hearted step toward me, not taking her eyes off the bride until they've left. Princesses in real life! Who knew?

A few minutes later we come around another bend and spot another bride. I can hear my 5-year-old niece excitedly telling her mother, "That one had a tiara! The other one only had lace on her hair. I want a tiara."

A few minutes later we spot yet another bride. The 5-year-old girl says in a dreamy voice, "Look Mom, a bride!" To which Carden responds, "Sheesh, not another one!"

So what do you do...

What do you do when you go in to check on the kids at night and discover that Charlotte is sleeping peacefully...soaked in vomit?

Tiptoe back out and pretend you didn't notice?

Or wake her up, clean her up, change all the bedding, and listen to her scream during the whole process?

Sigh.

You do what I did--call for Dad!!

And to his everlasting credit, he did it all. Even after he'd been doing it for the two days that I was gone all day at Women's Conference at BYU and he was taking care of the kids solo. Even after the first episode was Charlotte throwing up while they were at the pool watching the boys' swimming lesson.

Hurray for dads.